Caroline LOVES

I feel terrible because I didn't update regularly throughout Caroline's first year. I wrote down little tidbits here and there about what she was up to, but I didn't go into near as much detail as I did with her big brother.

Part of it has been second child syndrome. But that's no excuse. I've seen plenty of mamas out there with even busier schedules (and sometimes more kids) that have managed to write monthly updates on their littles.

Part of it has been because I left this lovely blog for greener pastures. My stories over at Life Happens When are more "live your best life" and less "what my kids are eating."

As I wrestled with guilt and discouragement about this issue, it dawned on me that what I'm doing/have done is okay. Sure, if Caroline is anything like her mama, she'll hold it over my head. But, my words here and there are gifts to my children.

Wouldn't I love to have my mom's heart spilled out before me in such a raw, honest way? Of course I would! So even though I didn't write specific details about her weight, milk intake, and milestones the way I wish I had, I did write my heart. I pray that when my kids are old enough, they'll understand the legacy I've left for them. And I hope they realize how very much I love them.

At any rate, I did come back to this blog because it is where I feel comfortable logging those milestones and magic memories. So I thought I'd just make a list of Caroline's LOVES at one year old. I'll list a few of her dislikes, too.

Caroline LOVES...

doll babies
stuffed animals
books
her big brother
her daddy
her mama
being outside
balls
climbing
standing
chicken/any meat
cheese cubes
yogurt
blueberries
strawberries
ice cream (sigh)
Mickey Mouse
her brother's pretend tool set (especially the tape measurer)
music
chewing (teething) on anything and everything
scrunching/crinkling her nose (cute!)
shaking her head "no"
peek a boo
when mommy sings "You are my sunshine" or "Twinkle Twinkle"
her pacifier(s)
being held
taking her hair bows out of her hair
stealing her brother's toys away from him
screeching/shrieking when she doesn't get her way

Caroline is NOT a FAN of...
bubbles
bath
sprinkler
her carseat
the vacuum cleaner
anything that makes a loud noise
walking
when mama sits her down
snuggling or being rocked (so sad!)
hair bows
sharing
diaper changes
not getting her way


This list is by no means comprehensive. One might be able to see how frustrating life with Miss Caroline can sometimes be. We love that girl anyway!

My Caroline

My little girl is one (April 29)! I can't believe how quickly this year flew by!

She is just the sweetest thing and a bundle of personality. She is very stubborn and independent. She talks and babbles all the time! She also says a few "real" words including mama, dada, ball, uh oh, no, thank you (omg cute!), and bubba.

Caroline isn't walking, yet, but she's taking a few steps here and there. She can crawl at lightening speed. She cruises around the furniture. She climbs anything she can hike her leg up onto. She can climb all the way up to the top of the stairs. I have to watch her every second. She's fast and can get herself into all kinds of trouble in the time it takes me to turn my back.

She also loves climbing into things. She will take all her toys out of a bucket and climb in. She has done this to our kitchen cabinets and her dresser drawers, too.

She sleeps great at night. She goes to bed about 7:00 at night and sleeps until about 7:00. She takes one really short nap during the morning (30-40 minutes) and takes a longer nap in the afternoon (anywhere from 1-2 hours). I'm wondering when those naps will combine into one? I can't remember when Lucas made that transition.

She is on all table food and whole milk. She made the switch to milk like a champ just a few days before her 1st birthday. She's figured out the cup and is doing great! She still has a big appetite and eats pretty much anything we give her. She's gotten slightly picky, though. She certainly knows what she wants. If we put something on her tray that she doesn't want or doesn't like, she eats everything else around it and then throws the rest on the ground. Awesome.

She only has her bottom two teeth! She looks so precious with her big gummy smile, but her poor mouth is SO swollen. It's been like that for the past month! We can see that several teeth are making their way in, but they haven't popped through, yet. The poor thing has been extra fussy and clingy these past few months. I really think when these teeth pop through, she'll get some relief. Overall, though, she's still a very happy, laid back, easy girl.

Caroline is sweet and stubborn at the same time. She's timid, yet rarely meets a stranger. She's curious and observant and is always trying to figure things out. She wants to do things on her own and gets really mad (seriously, she shrieks and hollers) if you try to help her or take her away from something when she's in the middle of it. She loves to be in the middle of the action. When she does something big, she looks around to make sure we saw her.

She's cute and she knows it! :) TROUBLE!

She adores her brother. She follows him around. She laughs at him and is starting to interact more with him. Lucas is so good to her, too. He shares his toys. He gets me if he thinks she's in danger. He talks with her, makes her laugh, and is just so helpful! She's one lucky little sister! I think she'll be SO much happier when she starts walking. She's dying to catch up to him! I think they are going to be great friends!

Caroline was a great, sweet, easy baby for the most part. Lately, she's been experiencing the normal separation anxiety and growing pains, but she's still pretty mellow! She does want what she wants when she wants it, though, and isn't afraid to let us know!

Her smile lights up the room. Her beauty takes our breath away. Her personality brings us so much joy.

She keeps us on our toes. She drives us crazy. She warms our heart.

This past year has been such fun! It's been a huge adjustment for us, too.  I just can't imagine our life without her and it is hard to believe she's only been with us one year!

Oh how I love my sweet Caroline!

This Time Last Year

I've been thinking a lot about where I was this time last year. I got released from work (thanks to my principal and FMLA) two days before my scheduled induction. So on this day last year, I kept Lucas home from school and we played, ran a few errands, went to Chick-fil-A, watched a bunch of shows together, and enjoyed our last few moments together before our worlds were flipped upside down. When Mike woke up (he was on nights), I decided to get a pedicure.

As I was driving to the nail salon, I felt like my contractions were more intense than ever. I'd already experienced a few other symptoms of labor, but I was trying to wait it out as long as possible. I also kept doubting myself. Is this it? My contractions were coming really close together, but they were very short.

I called my sister half panicked and she calmed me down. My OB's kids go to the same school as my sister's kids and in the carpool line that afternoon, my sister told my doctor about my symptoms. She also told her that I was in the middle of getting a pedicure at that exact moment. My doctor said, "There's no way she's in labor if she's getting a pedicure."

I was in labor. That pedicure was the most painful experience of my life. I clutched my belly through intense contractions. I even caught myself breathing the way women do in the movies before they "give birth." As a side note, I'd never taken a "birthing class" on how to breathe through pain because I NEVER expected to need to know how to breathe through the pain. Epidural? Yes, please!

That evening, we drove Lucas over to Mike's dad's house. He was staying with him for the first leg of the weekend. As we drove home, I could barely breathe through my contractions. I was hungry and REALLY wanted pasta, but Mike was on a time crunch to get to work. He was on night shift and since I wasn't getting induced until 6:00 the next morning, we decided for him to go to work that night so he'd have more time off after the baby arrived. We settled on Papa John's, but when we sat down to eat, I felt sick to my stomach.

I went upstairs and vomited. I called my doctor (not the one from above, the one who was on call). She agreed things were moving along, but didn't think it was time to go because my contractions were not regular and were not lasting very long. They were coming every 1-2 minutes, though, and were lasting about 15-30 seconds.

I took a shower and cried. Mike left for work. My mom called. My sister called. My mom called again. Mike called. My sister called again. Through all of this, my contractions were getting more intense. My mom asked if she should come over. I said no. My sister asked if she should come over. I said no. Mike asked if he should come home. I said yes.

I laid down on the bed and tried to relax. I tried to fall asleep. I tried to get comfortable. Anything.

I got up to go to the bathroom and was shocked to find blood everywhere. And then I vomited.

I called my doctor who told me I better get on to the hospital. She called to let them know we were on our way. Since I already had a room reserved for the morning and I'd already pre-registered, they already had the room waiting- thank you, Jesus!

Mike and I left the house at 11:45 p.m. My water broke (in the car) at 11:48 p.m. I started crying because I knew I had waited too long. I called my mom and then my sister and told them as much. Mike started speeding. I'm pretty sure he drove well over 80 miles an hour. I didn't care, I wanted to get the hospital fast! We arrived at the hospital at 12:05, but the main hospital entrance was closed. We drove to the emergency entrance, but as Mike was helping me out, the security guard told him he had to move the car.

"But, my wife's in labor." You still have to move the car.

I got stuck being wheeled up to Labor & Delivery by the world's least observant security guard. He was trying to tell me a joke as I writhed in pain. I was like, "Dude, this baby is coming out of me like any second. Would you just shut up and move?" Of course, I didn't say any of that. I wish I had, though.

I arrived to Labor & Delivery at 12:15. They got me set up in the bed. One of the nurses checked me. As calmly as possible, she said to her fellow nurse, "She's at a 9."

Yup.

Uh huh.

Suddenly, I was swarmed by several different nurses. They were all cool as cucumbers, so crazily enough, I was, too. They even made the preparations to get me my epidural. One of them held my hand while I breathed through the contractions until Mike came back from parking the car.

Everything was kind of a blur through those moments. I felt this immense pressure. I was begging for my epidural. Mike's phone kept beeping as text after text came through.

My doctor arrived at 12:30. She took one look at me and said, "Honey, I can see her head. Just a few pushes and she'll be out."

I said, "Okay, but can I get my epidural first."

She chuckled a little and replied, "Well, sure. But I doubt it will kick in before this baby arrives."

I cried a little. I cried a little more. Then, I nodded that I was ready.

She told me that since she could already see her head that I could just push whenever I felt the urge.

I pushed once and her sweet little head was out. I pushed two more times and my little girl was born at 12:35 a.m.

Perfection. And I would change a thing about that moment. 

Happy ALMOST birthday, sweet girl! You've given me a ride of a lifetime for sure!

It's Been Awhile

Well, hello there.

I'm back.

Although I've taken a swell little journey onward to a new site, I've missed this place.

I've missed it because it's where I tell my life's story. The one with boring updates about what my kids are eating, what funny things they are saying, and random thoughts that don't require a tagline.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my new website and the weird and wonderful adventures it has already taken me on.

But I love this blog, too. And to be honest, I haven't really written those mundane daily updates like I planned to because I don't have a "publish" button to hold me accountable.

Also? I miss having a place just for me!

If you so happen to see this and want to keep following me here, too, I'd love it!!

If not, that's okay. This place was always just for me, anyway!!

It's good to be back!

Life Happens When You Find My New Site!

If you haven't figured out, I've moved to a new site!

Please join me at lifehappenswhen.com!

I hope to see you there!!

New Beginnings

I am so happy that I've kept this blog for such a long time. It has told my life story for over 5 years. And so much has happened. When I started this blog I wasn't even married yet. I was barely engaged.

This blog has seen me through our wedding and newlywed phase, new jobs for both of us, moving, changes in friendships, two pregnancies and the birth of my motherhood, my first year as a teacher, the death of my cousin.

This blog is my catharsis.

I've been conflicted for quite sometime about my little piece of the Internet. I wouldn't trade it for the world, and yet, even as much as I love it, it never became what I wanted it to be.

It is my journal, yes. And I love that. For some that is enough. But it isn't enough for me.

I can count on my one hand my loyal readers- Hi Sheri! Hi Jenn! Hi Lauren! Thank you so much for your support and encouragement and for coming back each time!! And thank you to the other visitors who've stopped by and commented here and there or just browsed and went on. I love that people are curious about me and are interested in what I have to say.

I talked before about a mental breakdown I had a few weeks ago. It was a scary time for me, but I am slowly recovering. Our family made some major changes to accommodate my mental health. I am thrilled for this new journey!!

On one of those nights where my mental stability was hanging on by a thin thread, I really took some time to evaluate myself and my life. I truly believe one of the gifts I was given was the ability to write- to craft words to encourage others. While writing for myself is also a gift in itself, I really feel like God is calling me to use my writing for a greater good.

And though I'll miss This Wonderful Life, I had to let got of this space so that my heart and my words can fill up another.

I don't know what will happen. This is so scary to me, but it is something I have to try. For myself. For my family. For God.

With all that said, I have a favor! Especially from you, my faithful readers (Sheri and Jenn and Lauren), would you join me here?

I'll appreciate it more than you'll ever know!!

And Just Like That...

It is hard to believe that three years ago, I was just 12 days away from meeting my first child, my son, my Lucas Joseph. I was swollen and scared and cranky and restless. I was excited and nervous. I eagerly rubbed my belly and anticipated the future. Depending the moment, I was ready to get that baby out or I was enjoying the time- just the two of us.

It is hard to believe that my sweet boy that used to nuzzle his sweet face into my neck will be 3 in less than two weeks. The boy who slept on my chest for nights on end. The infant child who made me a mommy.

It is so incredibly, indescribably hard to believe.

I've mourned this milestone in so many ways over the past few months. Before my very eyes, Lucas has blown past his babyhood, his toddlerhood, even. He is a full fledged little boy. He's got spunk. He's got spirit. He's got attitude. He's got a brilliant imagination. He's rough and tumble and yet still has a soft spot for Mickey Mouse. He's got a mind of his own. He understands the power of words. He has a ridiculous and vast vocabulary. He knows at least half a dozen letters in the alphabet and recognizes them on billboards, in story books, on the T.V. He can recite his favorite books and can figure out what's going to happen in books that he is not familiar with. He can count to 20 on his own. When he falls, he jumps up and says, "I'm okay," not a trace of tears or a need for mommy to kiss him.

At night, he says prayers on his own: "Dear God, Thank you for this day. Please watch over my family and friends. Please help me be a good little boy who listens and follows the rules. Please keep me safe while I sleep. Amen." Yes, we made it up together, but he owns it now. He has amazing faith. When I asked him who his best friend was, he said "Jesus." Amen.

Lucas has been daytime potty trained since July. He's doing great and hasn't had an accident in months. At night, he has always been hit or miss. He would go three and four days completely dry and then wake up one morning soaked in his pull up. Because our mornings are a frenzy, I've not even attempted to work on nighttime potty training with him. I've just put a pull up over his underwear every night for the last 5 months.

For nearly a month, Lucas has woken up completely dry every single morning. He wakes up and heads straight for the bathroom, completely unprompted. Still, I wasn't convinced.

On Thursday night, I was so exhausted that I forgot to put a pull up on him. I remembered in the middle of the night and just decided I'd clean up the mess after school. But there wasn't a mess, of course. And there wasn't one Friday morning or Saturday morning or this morning. Lucas hasn't worn a pull up in 3 nights. He's been dry for over a month.

I'd say it is official. Why does that make me weep so uncontrollably?

Because he's my baby gone. He's my toddler no more.

He is my "big" boy. My 3 year old. Such an amazing and bittersweet journey this has been.